It has been nearly 2 months now since I have updated you all. It really is amazing how fast time flies. I mean, goodness, I'm almost half way through my exchange and yet I feel like nothing has happened! Don't worry, there is a reason for my not updating. Those of you who really know me, know that I have an excuse for everything, and this is no exception!
The last 2 months have been some of the most emotionally challenging months of my God given life. Of course this exchange hasn't been easy, ever, but these last couple of months have, by far, been the worst. I don't know how many times I attempted to write an update and every time I got through with it, I realized that I just sounded negative and ungrateful. There have been a lot of really good and/or interesting things that have occurred over the two months and I have overlooked those and felt that my "suffering" was more important.
Since the last time I updated, Halloween, Thanksgiving, and the beginning of the Holiday season have passed and with the passing of those days a lot of sadness and a sort of depression has come, as well as new traditions and experiences. The Saturday before Halloween, for instance, the kids in my grade hosted a big Halloween party. I was so excited to get out and socialize with my friends. I spent the whole day trying to figure out what to go to the party as. I hadn't thought of taking a costume when I was packing, but it was no matter. I found a white sheet, bought some gold tissue paper and bent an old wire hanger into a crown and within 15 minutes I had created a costume: TOGAA. Turns out, however, that Ecuadorians don't actually celebrate Halloween and when I showed up to the party I was the ONLY one dressed up. Directly following Halloween, I went up to Guayaquil to take the dreaded SATs. I failed to take them before leaving the country, which might have greatly improved my scores, but I passed with great scores anyways. When I came home from taking my SATs, the house was decorated for Christmas and I was taken aback. Back at home, it is tradition to decorate the house and the tree together, as a family. But here, decorating is more of a chore and the maids usually take care of all the decorating. Like we're taught to say, it wasn't bad, it was just different! Following the SATs was Thanksgiving that passed without a peep. I ate mac and cheese by myself and watched my favorite movie Dan in Real Life in Spanish. Again, not bad, just different.
I have hit that inevitable "3 month wall" that happens to every expat in the world. One begins to reject the culture, the language, everything. Day to day life just kicks in and one realizes that things are no different in this grand foreign country then they would be at home. It feels like there's no more adventure left in the the experience and one might feel ready to go home. Well, I felt like that and worse. Even now, I don't know if these feelings have passed, but I do know that I am here for the long haul. Just even in the last couple of week I have had some problems with the Rotary here and my host family. I have been a generally independent person for as long as I can remember and being here has put my pride and my independence in a tight spot. If ever a problem should occur, I expect myself to be able to handle it without telling others about it and without a big deal being made. The faster and the quieter I can tackle a problem, the better for me. However, being in a program such as this, it is important, as I found out, to keep people informed at the beginning of my problems. My counselor thinks I have lied to her about my family problems and my mom didn't appreciate that I was sharing my problems with my counselor. A lot of the problems that have occurred are cultural and could have been avoided had I taken the fact that people talk seriously. I had trusted my counselor to be my confident and she went and told my mom what I had said without giving me a change to explain anything. Since last week, everything has settled down with my family, but I still have to face my Rotary club. Like I said, it has been a challenging couple of months.
The frustration as well as the new experiences are perfectly summed up into the term "Beef with Spoons" which I have officially coined as the phrase of my exchange. Much like, "It's not bad, it's different", BWS just means that we may be used to doing things one way and upon immersing into a new culture, we may find those old habits challenged and replaced with new ones. All in a year's work. Where I am used to eating my meat with a fork and knife, sometimes it is served with a giant spoon here, making proper eating nearly impossible, but you carry on because you're an exchange student and you're allowed to make mistakes.
I am still so grateful for the opportunity to come here and live a completely new life. The everyday challenges only prompt me to grow more and I am thankful for those opportunities. I will make sure to update after Christmas and again after New Year's, but in the event that I completely forget, Merry Christmas to all and a Happy New Year! We are enjoying our summer weather down here in the Southern Hemisphere, but I hope you stay nice and warm in your cold weather!
Love always, Marlee
P.S. I leave for the Amazon at the end of January. I am SO excited but I am in serious need to Sun Block (it is amazingly expensive here) and Bug spray or bracelets. If you are interested in donating, let me know. They would be greatly appreciated! I love you all so very much and without your support, I don't know where I would be.
